Is Beyonce Actually A Witch? An Investigation
The news may shock you.
Music
Words by Harry Webber September 21, 2018

Image via GETTY //

With Beyonce’s former drummer, Kimberly Thompson, claiming in a lawsuit that the R&B/pop star performed acts of witchcraft on her, we take a look at the facts.

Beyonce’s former drummer Kimberly Thompson has made headlines today throwing out accusing the star of using “magic spells of sexual molestation” and employing “dark magic,” with media outlets snapping up the claims and quickly filing Thompson’s claims in the ‘weird news of the day pile.’ But what if the allegations were true? You’d probably want to know, wouldn’t you? Well, you’re in luck as, in our undying effort to leave no stone unturned, we look to the evidence and pose the hard hitting question of, is Beyonce a witch?

Though witches and the idea of witches has been recorded so far back as the 10thC BC, the hysteria around witches pretty much peaked in Europe around the 1400’s. If #witchcraft was around back then, it would well and truly be trending with around 80,000 ‘witches’ murdered in the three centuries that followed.

A 1486 publication Malleus Maleficarum detailed a sort of ‘witchspotting for dummies,’ which was used as the basis for pure-as-day evidence when charging people with witchcraft. Needless to say, women didn’t stand much of a chance to a fair trial back in these days anyways, so more often than not, if you were accused, you were condemned.

But what does this have to do with Beyonce? Coincidentally, the mother of three has just finished a run of shows in EUROPE for her ‘On The Run’ tour. I wonder, does she expect us to believe she just happened to be returning to the home of witchcraft shortly before being accused of being a witch? It’s a little fishy to say the least…

When everyone was starting to get over witchcraft in Europe, the (now) US was like, ‘This is pretty cool,’ and started to jump on board with the fidget spinner-like craze. Most famously in the town of Salem, Massachusetts there were many trials in the 1690’s and people flung around accusations like monkeys throwing feces, resulting in the hanging of 19 women.

Fast forward (nearly) EXACTLY 300 years later and Beyonce releases the album Lemonade, in fact she releases many copies of the record. In fact, you could say she released multiple Lemonades. Hauntingly, an anagram of ‘Lemonades’ is ‘SALEM DONE’. It’s chilling stuff but it begs the questions what does ‘done’ mean? Has she cut off ties to witchcraft? Will we ever find out?

Finally, here’s the most damning piece of evidence that really split this case wide open. After a robust search through Googles image archives, we stumbled across the completely untouched photo below. Do you notice anything suspicious about it? How could this mean anything other than the claims are true?

Whether you wanted to keep you head in the sand about the Beywitch scandal or not, we hope you can’t unsee or unlearn the damning evidence that has been presented here. If you still don’t believe the facts, chances are you’re probably a witch yourself.

Editors Pick