By Lillian Flexmami Ahen
Incase you’ve been living under a content-repelling rock for the last week or alternatively have managed to avoid the classic lapse in workplace productivity, then there is likely no way that you didn’t see the image in question.
Whether you dodged it, remain indifferent or wish that the internet would stop giving Rihanna so much digital real estate, let me take you through a compelling-ish analysis of the moment that stopped time. The news broke on a cute Saturday and if we’re going to be extremely frank, I scrolled passed it thinking it was a bad photoshop job, likely because #RihannaNavy are TMZ-in-training and love to play us with a doctored image.
I digress, barely three days after your boy Malcom Turnbull was photographed shooting the breeze with rapper-cum-actor and ‘Pimpin All Over The World’ author Ludacris, former Prime Minister Julia Gillard smacked that ‘tweet’ button and shared a picture of herself and Bad Gyal RiRi. No, Julia wasn’t in the nosebleeds or loitering in the back of a paparazzi shot – she was standing shoulder-to-shoulder and sharing air with Ms Fenty. Jesus, please take the wheel for I know not how to process:
The two powerhouse females met to cement Rihanna’s new title as celebrity ambassador of the Global Partnership for Education, which has Gillard as its chairwoman. Gillard came through with the real and said that “education is the best investment we can make for a prosperous, peaceful, equitable and future-ready world”. Politics aside, what’s really going here? Why these ladies’ hypeman look like they ‘bout to drop the greatest pseudo-political spoken word album of all time? Are we about to witness the wildest cross-industry collab since IKEA dabbled in virtual weddings?
We’ve conducted some ~serious research~ and have come to a few possible conclusions, helping us make sense of how these two became Hollywood’s new BFFs:
Image via ABC
Social Relevance
If DJ Khaled was writing this piece, he’d tell you that they don’t want you to have access to major keys and they definitely don’t want you to know that Miss Julia is vying for social relevance. Understandably, who wouldn’t want to capitalise on RiRi’s engaged, present and impressionable audience, stocked to the brim with social klout and coins. Priceless.
Budget Cuts
Do you remember the time when Jules spent more than $450,000AUD worth of taxpayer coins to take her office from ‘Julia from the Block’ to ‘I don’t care if guac is extra’? One could assume that she’s trying to ensure her wardrobe stays luxe AF like her office, this time complete with rare Fenty X Puma garments. Unfortunately for her, we could assume she won’t be rushing to add to cart any time soon, for fear that she’d be outed again by the Department of Finance. Is this her grand scheme to cop the whole collection for free? You didn’t hear this from me.
Image via Alessandro Garofalo/Indigital TV
A More Effective Political Strategy
On the topic of J’s spending habits and penchant for all things Rihanna, there is no doubt she heard, purchased and rinsed ‘Work’. What the average listener might have missed (that Jules clearly didn’t) were the lyrical themes of working for money, as well as repairing fragile relationships and learning from your mistakes. We heard a instant pop classic, however Julia heard dynamic strategies for global improvement of education, fiscal responsibility and comprehensive instructions on repairing her relationship with her audience and political peers. These commands can be heard during the chorus of the aforementioned dancehall banger, with RiRi melodically chanting specific action points. We have to “Work, work, work, work, work, work.” Crazy, right? The more you know.
Wine Connect
We’ve all been witness to Rihanna’s habit for frequent wine consumption. As it’s been argued that Australia is home to some of the best wines in the world, perhaps Rih’s juice is running dry and she needs access to the best. What better way to secure this than we help from our nation’s political elite. As Drizzy says, RiRi stays workin’ the spatula, you know she loves flippin’ shit.
Image via Mark Graham/AAP
Relationship Compatibility
It’s no coincidence that Miss G is a Libra and so is our resident sappy thug Drake. It’s also no coincidence that Drake and Rihanna became official during Mercury Retrograde. It works in Rih’s favour to work closely with J to see how to best manoeuvre around this zodiac during this time of widespread turmoil. I can imagine she’s harvesting an arc of Libras, testing and trailing shady verses, edge-snatching sub-tweets and a perfect dutty whine all in prep for her role as Drake’s Significant Other.
Feel free to share this with either of the two parties so they know that the jig is up and that it’s all love. Nothing gets passed me, y’all!
