Words by Froomes //

Earlier this week Ed Sheeran dropped his latest single ‘Bad Habits’.

I’m no ‘Sheerio’ but, to be fair, I did give it a listen. It’s a harmless pop song – just your standard radio-friendly fare.

But when I saw the music video, everything changed.

In it, Sheeran is dressed in a hot pink, two-piece suit and some Gucci loafers. It’s a look that’s been ‘in’ for the better part of three years and, if Fashion Police was still a thing, Joan Rivers would no doubt call it a crime.

Thankfully, he did find a way to make it 2021. And that was to do his makeup like a fucking clown.

Why?

Why are clowns having a moment? I feel as though everywhere I look, I’m surrounded by clowns. Sexy ones.

It hasn’t always been this way. In fact, it was only a few years ago that clowns were considered the antithesis of yum.

Take 2016.

In August of that year, a sinister craze started to sweep the US. Reports emerged that men dressed as clowns were trying to coax children into the woods within South Carolina. Shortly thereafter, there were sightings in Alabama, Georgia and Pennsylvania.

Like a virus, it spread and it spread fast. By the time October rolled around, Melbourne was in the midst of a clown outbreak with tens of clowns descending on the suburbs, terrorising innocent civilians. In the most serious incident, an axe-wielding clown tapped on the window of a woman’s car at a fast food outlet at Moe.

And it wasn’t Ronald.

This was the dip in the ‘clowns are hot’ market. And as we know, a dip almost always begets a rise. And that rise came a year later with the release of blockbuster movie ‘It’.

A remake of the Stephen King classic, it’s about a clown called Pennywise who terrifies children and lives in a drain.

It’s a wholly creepy movie. But in it, you’ll find the first seed of hot clownage: Bill Skarsgård.

Image via GQ //

Skarsgård has semi-Steve Buscemi vibes… but with a dash of Harry Styles.

And as any wasabi-enthusiast can attest, a dash is all that’s needed to blow the fucking joint apart, and rebuild a world where clowns are hot.

From there, it was free for all.

Do you remember in 2019 when Miley Cyrus and Cody Simpson had that super-cooked whirlwind romance? Ok, now do you remember this?

This video of Miley Cyrus and Cody Simpson kissing with Joker faces on is terrifying. pic.twitter.com/AmzaW2PmlG

— Alyssa Bailey (@alyssabailey) October 14, 2019

Too crazy.

Then came 2020. We got Coronavirus, and also Birds Of Prey starring Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn.

Harley Quinn is a derivative of ‘Harlequin’, a character first introduced in the 16th century via an Italian form of theatre called ‘Commedia dell’arte’. A bumpkin fool, Harlequin was best known for thwarting the plans of his master. With small eyes, a snub nose and brows to rival John Howard’s, he couldn’t have been further from ‘hot’.

So why is one of the most conventionally-attractive actresses in the world playing this fugly jester?

No idea. But it didn’t end there.

Six months later, Katy Perry had a crack. In her song ‘Smile’, she dresses up as a clown. Twice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZA5heWazIQ

While Margot Robbie and Katy Perry’s clownpersonations weren’t particularly sexy, they certainly left the door ajar.

Enter: Dua Lipa.

In her latest music video for ‘Love Again’, she goes one further than Robbie, Perry and Sheeran by mashing the ‘hot clown’ aesthetic with the cowboy one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC19kwABFwc

(While we’re here, the cowboy thing is another ‘vibe’ that belongs in the bin. With the exception of Mason Ramsay, Billy Porter and Orville Peck, wearing any form of cowboy hat is confusing and weird. How do you fit through doors?)

Anyway, Dua wears a cowboy hat. She wears it as she gyrates on a bucking bull and air-humps fellow cowboy clowns. To cap it all off, in the last few frames she appears in full clown garb, wiping her lipstick as she stares longingly into the camera lens.

Imagine having coulrophobia – the fear of clowns – and watching this? Your head would surely explode.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against clowns. In fact, Krusty and Ronald McDonald are cultural cornerstones of my life. But the sexualisation of clowns frustrates me. I don’t want to live in a world where it’s hot to dress like a ‘90s children’s party entertainer.

While on the surface all of this seems confusing, I think there is a real anthropological reason behind the fetisation of clowns.

The world as we know it is a three-ring shit show.

We’ve spent our most formative years on the internet, where everything is simultaneously a disaster and a joke. When we saw serious political regression in the US, one of the only coping mechanisms was to make a joke, or laugh at an impersonation, or share a meme.

Then when COVID hit, almost everything became a circus. In March, Gal Gadot gathered her famous friends to sing a rendition of ‘Imagine’ – an attempt at curing the virus through song. Tiger King happened. Peak real-life clownage ensued when Elon Musk had a baby and called it X Æ A-12.

Thankfully, there’s a silver lining. And that’s the ‘Be A Clown’ filter on TikTok… where you can vibe out as a clown and share the most embarrassing moments of your life with 1 billion others.

@giofilmedthis🚶🏻‍♂️🦽♬ Be A Clown – ָ࣪ ۰♥︎ Osuna ࣪𖥔꒷

It doesn’t look like the jokes will ever stop, and as long as they aren’t sexy, I don’t mind. Because as any good clown can attest; if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.

Anyway, have you heard the new Ed Sheeran song?

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