Stay sane out there.

With Aussies entering our third month of life in lockdown we’ve certainly had plenty of home time on our hands. Over the past weeks our Instagram feeds have been flooded with pics of mates cooking, cleaning and organising, as people look to new activities to busy their underused iso brains.

All this time in lockdown is definitely starting to change who we are and it isn’t always for the best. Without a friend to tell you you’re getting up to some weird shit you might not even realise that your sock-puppet opera is straight-up absurd or your idea to purchase a commercial oven for baking is simply stupid.

So here are some signs that you might be on the verge of losing it. If three of these things are sounding familiar, it may be too late for you:

You’re watching ridiculous shit.

A YouTube wormhole is fine most of the time, but be sure to check in and ask yourself why am I watching this every now and again. The other day a video popped up on my Facebook which promised a satisfying (it wasn’t that satisfying) video of someone cleaning a laptop which led me down a rabbit hole of laptop cleaning videos. Looking back, I’m very grateful that an Uber Eats delivery person buzzed the door and ripped me out of that hole. Five stars.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD_8RYHE634

Baking silly amounts of bread.

“Hey bro, I baked you a loaf of bread!” “Oh, another one… thanks.” If that conversation is something you’ve heard recently, you may have gone mad on gluten and are in need of help. There’s nothing wrong with the odd loaf here and there but don’t let it rule your life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfuuXwQMDyE

You’re cleaning things that are already clean.

Right now it’s important to make sure you keep your shit germ free and clean, but it’s a whole different ball game when you’re clearing out your fridge for the third time in a week to wipe down the shelves. If someone comes for a visit and notes how clean your house is smelling, know that it’s not a compliment, you may have an addiction to lemon-scented cleaning products.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uft0HXjC0AY

Even your mum is sick of hearing from you.

There has been plenty of time to Zoom/Skype/FaceTime the fam and finally make up for those years of neglect, but you know you’re pushing it when even your mum is screening your calls. It’s most likely a sign of clinical boredom and you oughta branch out and expand your network ASAP. She told me she was busy, by the way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOLxQGLJouI

You’re considering starting a podcast.

Don’t do it. Don’t even think about it. This is probably the clearest sign you are going mad from isolation. It starts in steps: firstly you think you have a great idea, then you buy yourself a USB mic and next thing you know you’re pushing your crime/philosophy monstrosity onto the general public. We need pubs to reopen so people can drink up the courage to tell you how much your idea fucking sucks.