One of the strongest records of the year…
We all have a certain amount of darkness within us, brooding thoughts eating away at us day in & day out. Throw in the insanity of youth and unfulfilling social interaction, and that darkness will grow, fester as it seeks to overwhelm and feed on the soul. There are plenty of ways to deal with such an ailment, and there’s no one right answer. But what Geelong-born Evangeline has done with it is absolutely breathtaking, reaffirming her artistry through the curation of one of the strongest Aussie concept records in recent memory.
I Think About It Way Too Much is a stunning milestone in the creative evolution of Evangeline. Boasting five lush tracks that capture all the artificial highs and devastating lows of those classic weekend benders, the EP stays faithful to those who feel like they don’t belong, who see the bullshit in a lot of those situations. Records built around such themes can go from good to cheesy real quick, but Evangeline paints with the most honest of brushes. Her art is totally cathartic, unapologetically authentic.
We caught up with the Melbourne-maestro to get deep on the record, social anxiety and her artistic identity. The result is a really honest and refreshing chat with one of Australia’s most exciting young talents.
Check it below.
The whole record really captures the anxiety and ecstasy of parties so well. Was there a specific weekend that inspired you to base the EP around that?
I feel like it’s almost like an amalgamation of weekends. But I definitely wrote this EP with every song being from a specific time. It’s very much a journey through all weekends and those emotions that I went through in that point in my life.
The EP has this really strong air of claustrophobia, and just sonically is way darker than your past tunes like ‘My kingdom’ and ‘CHEMICVL’. Is that a reflection of where you’re at musically in your life? Or was that just necessary for this project?
Oh my God. I really love that you picked up on that [laughs]. I feel like a cliche musician that says like, “Ah, this is the most personal record I’ve ever made.” But like, I took a fair bit of time from releasing those songs to now, and a big part of that was definitely processing who I was as a person and who I was as a musician.
And I love when your taste changes in music, from what you listen to and then when you start creating again. It’s really fun to make it sonically cohesive and have the lyrics really connect to the sounds and samples and give it that feeling. So, whether you’re someone who listens to lyrics or melodies or you just listen to the music, everyone sort of picks up on something different when they listen to a song for the first time. I like to get that feeling across as clear as possible.
The title of the EP is ‘I Think About It Way Too Much’, but all of your criticisms of parties seem pretty valid. Do you consider yourself an overthinker? Or is it more you just wish you didn’t see the bullshit in those situations?
I think it’s a healthy mixture of both. It’s really funny because when you start doing interviews about the EP and about each song, it’s really interesting what people pick up when they listen to it and what they really resonate with. With a memory or when you’re writing something, you’re pretty much simplifying everything. You can’t really explain the feeling. Like you do your best, but you can’t explain being in that room and feeling the way you did, you can try but it’ll never be that exact same feeling. So I do tend to think about a lot of those. Because I’ll say, “Oh, you know, it’s a sad song” to simplify it, and then people hear it and they might be like, “Yeah, it’s kinda sad I guess.” But it’s funny because it’s just that simplification of that trauma that I went through for a really long time.
I think a lot of people feel social anxiety. I think it’s a lot more common than what people think. Like growing up I was like, “I’m so special, I’m so afraid of crowds.” [laughs] And then, I’d feel so lost that no one else felt the same way because I was just like this moody teen going to these particular parties. But it’s just such a common feeling and it… you kind of go through the mixture of, and I don’t know if people pick up on it, but there’s sort of that mixture of darkness, but it’s really just awareness that it is what it is.
Let’s start with the Ollie Sykes approved track ‘Euphoria’. The line “Are you making me better, or are you slowly killing me?” is so bloody heartwrenching. Can you just take me through the story behind that lyric?
A lot of the lyrics I’ve written have been from a point of duality. So, when I was writing ‘Euphoria’, it was a mixture of so many different things. Also, people can relate to it on different levels, which I love. But that particular lyric was a mixture of like how I felt around drugs and how I felt around people at that time. People at that point in my life were supportive, but there are also those times where you can be around people that make you feel really good about yourself in so many ways, but they’re also making you feel like you need them. It’s like “I can’t tell whether this is actually good for me. I can’t tell whether it’s bad for me.” It was just that weird relationship with it.
Just doubling down on the duality aspect, ‘Bad Parties’ has this really cool line ‘Just want to sit here in my silence/ yet im sitting here smiling.’ There are so many similar sort of contradictions on the EP. Do you find you’re often at war with yourself?
Yeah, definitely. I mean, at the end of the day, we’re all very flawed characters. And this EP comes from a very flawed place. ‘Bad Parties’ was filled with contradictions. And when I wrote it, I really wrote it from a perspective of being a plus one. And from the perspective of being really angry about being that plus one that didn’t fit in and not wanting to be there, but then like, sitting around in that same crowd and sort of being there and participating, but also being like “This is so shit.” [laughs] I think we’ve all… again, I didn’t write it to be relatable in any way. I just wrote it because that’s how I was feeling. And when you listen to the lyrics, you’re almost like “Damn, this girl has low self-esteem.” Because I’m pretty much just bitching [laughs] in the lyrics about the beautiful people, people with the perfect teeth. And like, we’re all talking about the same drugs that get us “Sooo messed up every weekend. But like pass the blunt.”
‘The Afterparty’ is really vivid in the sort of shittiness you sometimes find at kick ons after an event. Can you give me an idea of the mental process you sort of go through when you find yourself in those environments?
That particular environment that song is about, was like coming from a very emotionally manipulative place [laughs]. I think we all kind of have these like unhealthy tendencies of how we deal with things. And that particular one is coming from like a desperation of like saying to somebody, “You don’t wanna do this. Nothing good happens at this hour. Life is not gonna get better for you.” And it was coming from such a place of desperation of like, you know, the lyric is ‘don’t be too guilty when you leave me’. It’s such a fine line [laughs] but I love it. Like, I love it because that was that place. And that was what I was specifically feeling. But yeah, sometimes you’ve gotta just call it [laughs].
Definitely. Nothing good happens after 2:00 AM.
Exactly. I mean like sure. Some fun memories can happen, but in that particular memory, I remember just being honestly so scared for somebody. Just so scared for someone and they’d be going, “No, it’s fine. I’m just gonna keep going.” And it was very much that feeling of “ I won’t be able to sleep tonight.” [laughs]
It’s really shitty being anxious in those situations. But as a creative, do you sort of welcome it at the same time? Given that it can be so helpful as inspiration.
Yes and no [laughs]. I feel like I process things a lot longer after something happens. I can’t write a song in the moment of feeling anxious of a party. I’m not just sitting there being like, “Good, inspiration.” [laughs] Especially now my mental health is just absolutely number one to me in life.
So boundaries have become really important but, you know, there are still ways to kind of honestly pick up these feelings and pick up, I guess, inspiration from the darkness of it all, because it’s not like you can exit a world like that completely, especially in the music industry. But I do think that, as I said, there’s a flip, you do have fun. And there is definitely… I have such a like magnetic attraction to a lot of these things and these personality types, I do find it very interesting.
That beat switch halfway through ‘I wish I was anybody else’ really caught me off guard. It kind of feels like it’s giving birth to this new IDGAF attitude within you. Is that accurate?
So accurate [laughs]. I really love that you’re picking up on this stuff. You never know what people are gonna take in. To me, the beginning of that song is just so twisted and romantic. I love using music to really portray those deeper emotions that I can’t necessarily verbalize in real life. It’s so much easier for me to be like, “I’m gonna write this dark song than discuss it.” And I think that’s what makes me come across as fairly awkward sometimes [laughs]. But it’s one of those things where I really wanted that song to be that flip, to show that change in character and change in momentum, and definitely flick into like “Okay, this has been a really long time coming. I’m gonna be that somebody else.”
Did you do this EP completely for yourself? Or was it partly to normalise a lot of the thoughts and feelings you have, but for other people who might be going through the same stuff?
It’s just how I process things honestly. It’s really funny when I start to do this part of the process, when you’re explaining it and, you know, you talk to people a lot more about it. And it’s so beautiful when people say, “Oh, I relate to this feeling.” So, this has been a process for me, but also normalizing it for other people and it’s… by normalizing it for other people, it normalizes it for me too.
The initial is how I process things, and then it’s like the beautiful aftermath where you can use your voice to actually discuss it and create conversations around it.
Do you even care about fitting in anymore? Or have you transcended that need?
Not so much. I mean, I’m human. We all have like insecurities and all of that. And I think if anything, 2020 has been a year where we’ve been spending so much time with ourselves and there’s been a lot of time to really reflect on who we are and what has happened in our lifetimes. It’s been really important for that. So, one of the big things I’ve been reflecting on is “Why did I try so hard to be like those people?” And like, how did I not learn from every cliche movie that if you’re authentically yourself, there’ll be other people like that and you’ll find your most authentic people. But I definitely don’t care half as much as I used to, but again, I’m still human. And if I said, I didn’t care at all, that would be such a lie.
I feel like that’s the most honest answer you could give.
Brutally honest at this point, yeah.
Lastly, considering everything we’ve talked about and after this sick as hell EP you’ve come through with, do you really wish you were you anybody else? Or are you comfortable in your own skin in 2020?
I’m very comfortable in who I am in 2020, which is so corny [laughs]. Definitely not a brooding artist in the corner right this second. But I still stand by that lyric, in that moment. I think it’s a feeling we’ve all gone through before and it’s… it’s a beautiful thing because we all change. Like I’m not who I was six months ago, let alone within these memories, and I think that’s kind of a good thing.
Evangeline’s new EP ‘I Think About It Way Too Much’ is out now. You can buy/ stream it here. Be sure to keep up with her on Facebook and Instagram to stay up to date on all of her latest projects.
