The Melbourne indie-rockers have some free advice that you just can’t take.

It’s no secret that isolation can be a pretty shitty time. No gigs, no pubs (for now at least) and no sports have left us scratching our head looking for things to with our spare time. Jigsaws, board games and baking – things which were rightfully classified as boring a couple of months ago – have crept back into our lives, having seemingly squeezed every last drop of good television from every streaming platform.

The Great Emu Casualties are no different from us in this respect. In fact, they’re probably finding it tougher than your average joe. They’ve spent the past couple of years tirelessly releasing about a million funky indie rock tunes, each with a slice of Aussie cheek in there, and now they have nowhere to play or go…

So we caught up with Joe Jackson of the band to find out how they’ve been doing in iso and see if he had any recommendations of things to do whilst in lockdown. Turns out, he has a few, though we’re not endorsing any of them. Check it out below along with their new video clip for ‘Tight Enough to Tell’:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDn09EuXHPI

1. Stare out the window/at the wall.

If you’re one of the fortunate people, one of the regularly employed, then you likely live somewhere where there’s a window that no doubt costs a million thousand dollars a month for the privilege of dealing with a landlord that projectile vomits every time they receive the latest version of your email, subject-titled Re:Re:Fwd:Re:Fwd:Proposition for rent reduction terms due to reduction in employment due to coronavirus (follow up). So, in these times of Iso, while the leech class attempt to decipher which loophole will allow them to leave you homeless, why not make the most of your ability to see the world from relative safety and comfort.

For those foolish enough to attempt to live within their means, without a window, then it’s time to flex those creativity muscles! You can go on YouTube and watch videos of the outside world, mostly populated by people more attractive and popular than you, and eternally grateful for a new subscriber. Or why not even draw some of your own favourite scenery and landscapes on your walls to stare at in the dark? Just remember to paint over your masterpieces before you’re forcibly evicted because that’ll be a whole chunk of your deposit/bond snatched right there.

2. Gain weight.

I considered a sit-up 8 weeks ago and then when I tried it, it was kind of like trying to fold a pig. After this, when the push-up failed, I grabbed my big hoody and got rid of all my mirrors. There is now only one in the bathroom for the teeth situation but I’ve got that angled flatteringly like my old MySpace profile photo.

Good news about isolation! Nobody can see you so, if you do it right, and don’t look at yourself ever again, you can emerge from your isolation cocoon looking like a whole new person. Maybe I should consider re-growing that emo fringe.

3. Go outside for completely reasonable reasons and, while you’re outside, hate everyone else who is outside because they aren’t following the rules.

Yeah, that’s right. I see you in the supermarket pretending like that tub of yoghurt represents an essential journey! I see you, of course, because I am there as well. It would be a breach of my human rights to go one second longer without going out and buying this ¼ of a watermelon. Just stand over there and we can all go home and complain about each other online.

4. Play cool, hip, trendy computer games like Animal Crossing or Call of Duty or Flappy Bird and definitely not Dynasty Warriors 8.

I have seen adverts for Animal Crossing somewhere in the Channel 10 Wednesday evening Masterchef -> Secrets She Keeps -> Bull quality television marathon so I know that it exists and is a thing and is apparently trendy. I used to hear my little brother shouting at strangers through his headset on Call of Duty so I’m assuming that still exists. Something, something Flappy Bird I guess. Remember the week that was popular?

Anyway, we’re like 70% complete on Dynasty Warriors 8 now having completed the Wei campaign and all hypothetical strands, and we’ve got the Wu campaign pretty much sorted, but all the Shu alternate-path Star levels just have “???” next to them so if anyone has any tips on how to 100% the Battle of Hefei then send us an email through to mail@[email protected]