Disgusting potty humour or an empowering reimagination of a much-hyped body part.

While we may debate whether the opening “da da da dum” of ‘Symphony No.5’ was Beethoven’s musical representation of fate wrapping its knuckles on a door, or whether Louis Armstrong was more influential on jazz than Miles Davis, there are certain things in music criticism that are undeniably objective. Today, sure as the sun doth set, we’re sharing with you 2021’s stankiest banger: ‘Wipe Ur Ass’ by Froomes and Jordan Coles (AKA Tubby Custard).

Documenting an emotional rollercoaster of bowel movements following a Big Mac and a panicky search for the right toilet to offload into, that track offers a spattering of lines that stick to your mind like shit to a bowl. Froomes’ clear comfort with the subject is embodied in her vocal “flow” – by avoiding cadence, rhythmic creativity and any form of melodic flair, she is able to triumphantly drill home her stanky message in each bar.

As for the beat, there can be no doubt that this track was made for that post-cap 4am dancefloor, with the backing track spicy enough to warm up the iciest of ring holes. The word “relentless” comes to mind as Tubby Custard spares us no sympathy, attaching every EDM bell or whistle to the track; there are sound effects, vocal modulation, 808 samples and more. Now is no time to be meek, the track says:

Follow the links to check out Froomes and Jordan Coles on Instagram: