Sydney served up an absolute steamer over the long weekend for Listen Out, with temperatures soaring well past 30 degrees for a picture-perfect and postcard-worthy day at Centennial Park.

Being an ex-goth and someone who generally avoids human contact, I usually spend sunny days camping in front of my fridge while eating generous slabs of watermelon and wondering where it all went wrong. However, Listen Out aka The Rae Sremmurd Show gave me some motivation to whip out the Nike short-shorts (that peaked at Stereosonic 2009) for another run on the festival circuit, despite Tim Bailey’s forecast of ferociously sweaty gurners.

After attending a very rambunctious pre-drinks where I ate a loaf of sourdough bread and drank a glass of water, we headed to Listen Out just in time for Rae Sremmurd. I knew things were going to be phenomenal when their DJ dropped ‘Grove St Party’ by Waka Flocka Flame, causing me to yell ‘BRICKSQUAD’ in the ears of everybody within a 10 metre radius. From there, Rae Sremmurd pumped out hits from their impressive debut album SremmLife, including ‘No Flex Zone’ and pole-dancing favourite ‘Come Get Her’.

What is SremmLife, I hear you ask? From my understanding and this ultra-reliable Urbandictionary definition, it’s basically like a ‘YOLO’ or ‘Carpe Diem’ approach to living, except with more curvaceous strippers, expensive alcohol and trap beats. What a time to be alive. After hearing Rae Sremmurd rap on Ty Dolla Sign and Future’s ‘Blase’, I can safely say that SremmLife ranks as one of the best lifestyle choices ever, right next to Mormonism and Paleo. Shouts to chef Pete Evans.

With both members bouncing around the stage like possessed puppies on a steady diet of Four Loko, I was sucked into the hyperactive vortex of Rae Sremmurd’s live show. It was an hour of Southern call-and-response rap that peaked with ‘Throw Some Mo’ – including Young Thug’s verse – and concluded with ‘No Type’. If you’re someone who claims to only listen to ‘real hip-hop’ despite being a 23-year-old white person from Bondi, then you might hate everything that Rae Sremmurd stand for. But if you enjoy not being an uptight and narrow-minded fuckwit, then you’ll be counting down the days until Rae Sremmurd return.

Having done a year’s worth of physical activity during Rae Sremmurd’s set, we grabbed a seat with some Smirnoff tinnies to ease those unforgiving cramps during Alison Wonderland’s set. I don’t know what the hell ‘Elderflower’ flavour is, but it sure was tantalising on my tastebuds! Thanks to Smirnoff for getting me responsibly turnt for the best part of a decade.

What a pleasure it is to witness Alison Wonderland on main stages (and warehouses) across Australia, not to mention the likes of Coachella and Mad Decent Block Party in the United States. It seems like only yesterday that I watched her play at The Flinders Hotel (RIP) with Kato (Sydney dance legend) on a Wednesday when I didn’t have the burden of adult responsibilities and My Kitchen Rules on weeknights. Now, she’s been on the steady road to Presidential levels of world domination since releasing her debut album Run and subsequent sold out tours.

All of her most energetic bass bangers from Run got a whirl at Listen Out – the dramatic build of the title track is especially large – as well as her horn-heavy twist of Duke Dumont’s ‘Ocean Drive’, which only popped its snarling face on SoundCloud a few days ago. Sandwiched in between her own material were festival pleasers like Daft Punk, as well as Alison’s own banter on the mic – and it’s easy to see why she’s been crowned a festival favourite across Planet Earth.

For the second time in 2015, Joey Badass returned to Australia – but this time, he had debut album B4.DA.$$ under his belt. It takes a brave man to put letters, numbers and dollar signs in the name of an album, and Joey proved that despite his previous controversies in Australia, he can really spit live and he also wore a shirt with a shiny red car on it.

With Statik Selektah behind the decks, the two cruised through a set of East Coast nonchalance including a take on Jigga’s ‘Hard Knock Life’, a guest verse on ASAP Rocky’s ‘1 Train’ and his own rampaging single ‘Survival Tactics’. If Joey’s show is anything to go by, it looks like New York is in safe hands for the time being. After all, French Montana is also from the Big Apple, and he is the best person to ever be born since Phil Gould.

Sydney rap bros Halfway Crooks had the duty of playing between acts all day long, and they got it done convincingly by dropping bangers from a cute marquee attached to the main stage. I am very glad that I got to hear a handful of Fetty Wap songs on this glorious day, so thankyou to DJ Levins and Captain Franco for delivering more flames than some of the other acts I walked past and didn’t listen to on the way to the toilet.

With Childish Gambino closing off the day, the sound issues that have plagued Listen Out became more apparent with live instrumentation thrown into the mix. Unable to hear properly and sleepy from the day’s activities, we left early to get Chicken Tikka kebabs from Indian Home Diner and proceeded to watch an unusually large amount of Freddie Gibbs freestyle videos on YouTube. A perfect ending to a solid day of rap and electronica with short bar queues, and a splendid time was had by all.

MVP of the day: The girl who wore an AFI shirt and also the guy who gave me a tin of Pringles.