July 2, 2014

We have a shitload of festivals in Australia, but attending a festival overseas is another experience altogether. The atmosphere is lighter, you’re a little more carefree, and you don’t have to worry about running into your intern after finishing three beer bongs.

We know that most people want to attend Coachella or Glastonbury or something of the caliber, but here we’ve collected ten other very essential music events that sit high on our radar. Check it out, and start saving:

GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS, ILLINOIS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXRAQyiqx-M

Juggalos, devotees of downright terrible rap group Insane Clown Posse, may be the most despised subculture in the world. Still, they throw a mean festival where people wear clown facepaint, get naked and totally ruin themselves for five days straight. Also, there are carnival rides. Despite all the neon accessories, terrible haircuts and regrettable tattoos, you still have to admire these glorious pieces of white trash for their unquestionable sense of mateship. While Insane Clown Posse might not sound too nice on our ears, the likes of Busta Rhymes, Danny Brown & Ice Cube have played this event in the past.

MAD DECENT BLOCK PARTY, PHILADELPHIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPNGAz33nMo

There is a unwritten law that every event affiliated with Diplo must have at least 65% of women twerking for the entire duration. His Mad Decent label is basically synonymous with fun activities, most of which are somehow related to twerking. If you’ve ever seen Major Lazer live, you’ll know that the show is a plethora of colour, confetti and Carribean-infused bangers. Now imagine that same vibe multiplied into a touring Block Party, with a tonne of other hip-hop and electronic acts thrown into the mix. Outkast & ASAP Ferg are playing this year, incredible.

LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE, CALIFORNIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2W2WHWSfNY

Taking place somewhere in the hills of California, this is a four-day affair which blends music with yoga, meditation, art and talks on sustainability. Damn, we can almost smell the waft of hemp and unwashed dreadlocks emanating from this gathering. At least we’ll be able to fit in by wearing those breezy pajama pants with clashing floral and paisley prints. This isn’t just a festival, it’s a journey to inner peace. Fuck with this and bring a vegan platter. Your soy intake is about to skyrocket.

DEFQON.1 NETHERANDS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN1Gw8PHkAI

The Australian edition of Defqon.1 is in Penrith. If I can be bothered to travel to Penrith, I may as well go to the Netherlands, right? I’m joking, don’t stab me. But in all honesty, the Netherlands is the home of hardstyle and we can imagine that the atmosphere would be unmistakably electric at this event. So much euphoria, even more gabbering. Plus, we don’t think that Defqon.1 in Netherlands has a ‘No Lad’ policy, so we can listen to Headhunterz while wearing Nautica windbreakers and Nike Shox in relative peace.

BRONYCON, BALTIMORE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3WAYqCy7CA

Bronies are a group of grown men with a fixation on children’s television show My Little Pony. Bronies are either the world’s best trolls, warriors of gender subversion, massive fucking weirdos or just quirky dudes looking to fit in. Anywho, there are enough of these guys to hold an annual BronyCon on America’s East Coast, which includes concerts with plenty of awkward DJs. We want BronyCon to come to Australia so we can validate the existence of Bronies with our own eyes and ears.

THE SECRET GARDEN PARTY, ENGLAND

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoLmtRkJqLI

This festival has a giant pond in the middle so you can bathe or have a pool party whenever you feel like it. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that there’s a huge fucking pirate ship inside the pond. Has anything bad ever occurred on a pirate ship? Don’t think so. Also, there’s a slippery dip and a boxing ring where you can challenge punters to a dance-off. Get in there, Crip walk on some suckers and throw up a gang sign. It’s England, they won’t know what hit them.

MADE IN AMERICA FESTIVAL, PHILADELPHIA/LOS ANGELES

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXYa_U6Ds2A

Jay Z is bad at several things, like defending himself against Solange and releasing relevant music in 2014. However, he is also good at a lot of things, like choosing the best Destiny’s Child to marry and curating music festivals. You’d be hard-pressed to find a festival that draws as many big names across a plethora of genres – and if you do, it’s not the product of Jigga Man. So yeah, attend this and throw your diamonds in the sky.

GLOBAL DANCE FESTIVAL, COLORADO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OQK-MfVhkc

I actually went to this festival back in 2011, and lots of people wore complete rave outfits including angel wings, furry boots, candy and all. Dance music in America is very strange. Taking place in the Red Rocks Ampitheatre, this is definitely one of the most beautiful venues in the world. It’s also cool watching a bunch of DJs armed with lasers and strobe lights in a setting that looks like it’s played host to a lot of Chuck Norris-inspired Western films.

ST JEROME’S LANEWAY FESTIVAL, SINGAPORE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6becN8jl1w

We want to see how strong the Asian hipster game is right now in Singapore. Asians make very good hipsters because both have very frail frames and a preference for the slim chino and polka dot items. I’m from Hong Kong (represent, fuck with me) and still fit in shirts that I bought when I was 12. I went to Foot Locker, tried on a Size Small shirt and it came out like a moo moo. Anyway, we wanna see how hard Singapore turns up for indie music.