The Australian section of the Internet basically exploded when news surfaced that eternal headline-grabber Kanye West would be bringing his Yeezus tour Down Under. Now halfway through the tour, Kanye is set to hit Sydney this Friday night, and Team LWA will be in attendance. We are excited. Here are 10 things we’re hoping will happen at the show. Catch us stuntin’ in Sydney:
PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY WEAR THEIR NIKE AIR YEEZYS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITw3neGgZDo
When you’re in the presence of Kanye West, you’ve gotta look 110% swagnificent. You can’t be wearing pink polos and shutter shades any more, it’s all about that (p)leather and Nike Yeezy combo that has the entire population of Tumblr busting a nut. We can’t wait to see fans get cautiously rowdy as they dance and mean mug everybody who comes within a two metre radius of their fresh Yeezys. By the way, that pair you copped off eBay for $2300 (bargain, right?) is about as real as Pamela Anderson’s upper torso. You should’ve bought Air Max 95s and used the remaining stacks to start saving for a house. #PRIORITIES #TRILL #FASHION
PUSHA T KILLS IT & DROPS ‘EXODUS 23:1’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Evs0wwnuak
We love Pusha T – Hell Hath No Fury is one of our favourite albums of all time, while My Name Is My Name found itself as one of 2013’s best rap releases. Pusha’s name has been criminally omitted from much discussion about Yeezy’s upcoming tour, but we’re too keen for his set. ‘Exodus 23:1’ has made us consider becoming a drug dealers on many occasions. Pusha, please drop this so we can lean against a wall in a commanding yet nonchalant manner while pretending to cook crack and wearing a full burgundy sweatsuits.
KANYE WEST BREAKS HIS OWN WORLD RECORD FOR LONGEST/MOST NONSENSICAL RANT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK9xl9AiXrw
Kanye West does not seem like the type of person you’d have to make small talk about the weather with. However, if you were to talk about the weather, he’d launch into a headache-inducing rant that would include prominent use of the words ‘Sunrise’, ‘Fuck’ and ‘Precipitation’. Let’s be honest – we wouldn’t even be upset if this entire tour was a Kanye West spoken word show.
SOME BRO AND HIS SHAWTY REENACT THE ‘BOUND 2’ VIDEO CLIP
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBAtAM7vtgc
We’re not sure if you’re allowed to bring a motorcycle to Ye’s show, but security should make an exemption just so the disciples of Yeezus can reenact the infamous ‘Bound 2’ clip. Let us in with our Harleys, you motherfuckers. We won’t be surprised if we see some intense straddling when this track drops, and everyone imagines they are cruising in front of a green screen while Charlie Wilson sings in the background.
KANYE WEST BRINGS OUT THE ENTIRE CAST FROM THE BIBLE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIuT6i3Swv8
We already know that Kanye has brought out Jesus in past shows on the ‘Yeezus’ tour, but what about some of the Bible’s other favoured protagonists? We want to see some more grandiose biblical scenes, like the burning bush and the parting of the Red Sea. Essentially, the ‘Yeezus’ tour could become a theatrical recount of the entire religious text, featuring Pusha T as Moses and Kanye West as God, obviously.
KANYE ROCKS SOME GEAR FROM HIS UPCOMING COLLABORATION WITH ADIDAS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lg17tHDrTkY
The entire fashion world and a legion of fuccbois have their eyes on what Kanye West will be premiering with Adidas sometime in 2014. While he already announced that the Air Yeezy 3 will drop in November at his Perth gig, we’re hoping that he rocks some of the highly coveted gear in Sydney. If so, we’ll be taking detailed iPhone pictures to send to our cousins in a clothing factory in Guangzhou, so that they can quickly replicate these items to sell at market stalls across the world. Never stop hustlin’.
KANYE WEST DROPS THE REMIX OF HIS INTERVIEW WITH ZANE LOWE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmJTE7wmTeo
Housing a collection of immortal quotables, we’re hoping Kanye will play the remix of his infamous, introspective Zane Lowe interview, which was more enjoyable than the entire Yeezus album combined. Most of the production on Yeezus sounds like the work of Trent Reznor’s distant cousin merged with random electronic sounds caused by Kanye’s head hitting the production boards as he fell asleep in the studio. On the other hand, this remix gets us super turnt up, which is obviously the most important aspect when analysing any and all rap music.
KANYE WEST BRINGS OUT PAUL WALL & RICK ROSS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8ejqE3ktFU
Kanye has collaborated with plenty of hip-hop visionaries throughout his career, none of whom are more accomplished than the Houston lord himself, Paul Wall. Kanye needs to invite the grill-gleamin’ OG onstage for ‘Drive Slow Homie’, while we are already envisioning a full arena of blunts to be simultaneously lit if Ricky Rozay manages to roll onstage for ‘Devil In A New Dress’.
KANYE WEST DROPS HIS REMIX OF ‘DRUNK IN LOVE’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eMqevG4l7E
Because; SURFBORT.
MCDONALD’S IS STILL OPEN AFTER THE GIG FINISHES
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca2TUaMHA9Y
After over 90 minutes of dancing ignorantly and palming teenagers in the face to get closer to Lord Yeezus, we are definitely going to need a McFlurry and a cheeseburger from the McDonald’s next door to re-energise before serenading people with acapella renditions of ‘Dark Fantasy’ on the train home.
