Like the first sip of a beer after a long drought, F1 qualifying finally came to be on Saturday and whipped the crowd into a frenzy not seen since shirt cannons were first introduced to sport.

An epic day to be on track but not a great day for our boy Dan, whose Red Bull Racing machine was again plagued with issues throughout the day. But in a true show of his character and skill, he managed to bring home the RB11 in seventh to start from the fourth row of the grid for today’s race.

And no surprises who topped the time sheet – that man again, Lewis Hamilton. The reigning champion qualified on poll just ahead of team-mate Nico Rosberg, with Filipe Mass surprising many to put his Williams in third before new Ferrari duo Seb Vettel and The Ice Man. The second of the Williams cars, piloted but Valtteri Bothas qualified sixth by Bothas is in danger of missing the race with a back compliant. Should he do so, it could be just the bit of luck D-Roc needs to get off the line cleanly and mix it with the leaders. It’s race day, kids!

Pretentious levels have reached dangerous levels. This smug “breakfast” is capable of turning anyone who orders it into a fart-sniffing narcissist. Truffle oil, mushrooms, polenta and egg yolk only – no doubt the salvaged product of those eggwhite-only omelets that have become inexplicably popular with weight watchers. But again, we have to admit that as much s it pains us to say, it was pretty damn good. Commence fart sniffing.

After being prosecuted in Queensland and NSW and many branches disbanded, many bikies have relocated to Melbourne and turned new leaves to become vest-clad race photographers.

Wouldn’t be a flag parade without a Brazilian flag. Reports suggest fanatical Brazilian sports fans set aside a monthly budget just for flags…

Red Bull roll out the RB 11 – one of few things sexier than driver Dan Ricciardo’s girl.

All eye’s are focused on the grid until, Official Ambassador Elyse Knowles steps onto the track. She’s officially a traffic hazard we believe.

How many times do we have to say it? Lift with your legs and not your back.

Rich white dudes rolling in pit lane with gold chains. “Sure, I’ll take two of the Williams for the collection. How much the driver?”

“All I know is, he comes through here claiming to be a photographer and nek minute he pulls a pistol from his long lens and it was like chick, chick, boom! Bloody bikies.”

This is like the 16th bottle of cologne we’ve purchased this week… Ah, Ralph Loren.

With the Ralph Loren girls from earlier as their major rivals, this trio failed significantly to meet sales expectations and turned to the beers instead.

Bags the rosemary bunch! So satisfying. Even the pies think their too good to be eaten.

“This will make the ex-wife jealous.” Yeah, mate. She’ll buy it. So will the lads at work…

Despite his troubles, D-Roc ended up 7th in quali in the Red Bull Racing Machine.

Seb Vettel as ominous as ever in the new Ferrari he managed to work into fourth.

“Who’s askin, mate?”

Textbook example of the purpose of small children – an accomplice who has no choice but to what you want to do.

Everybody rip it up. 28 Days. 28 years later.

Bernie Ecclestone  – AKA Toad from Wind and the Willows/ Mr Burns – flying out his mistress.

And the bid dod needed a wing man. It was an obvious choice.

Turns out these blokes weren’t event volunteers. Their wives wouldn’t shut up about Orange is the New Black and the lads took it literally. When we pointed that out, one quipped: “Nah, mate. Just out on day release.”

British India are taking progressive to the next level. There weren’t even any strings on the guitar but the music suggested otherwise… Mind blown.

The Walking Dead. After another 12 hours in the hot sun, the fans leg it home to recuperate ahead of today’s big show – the race, son!