Locked down and can’t stop looking at the depressing news? We got you.
So you might have just lost your job or had your hours cutdown as COVID-19 takes over our lives, or maybe you’ve been forced into isolation and are working from home, or maybe you’re unemployed anyways and bored as shit – either way, you can be tempted to watch/read the news constantly in times like these.
Sure, it keeps you informed and makes you feel like you have some sort of grip on the world, but nonstop gawking at your phone, laptop or TV to get updates from your 24hr new source of choice cannot be good for you, right? Here’s a list of alternative activities that might help take your mind off the dreaded daily news:
1. Learn how to make pasta.
It’s no secret that pasta is the most important food on the healthy eaiting pyramid, sitting just above pizza and chicken nuggets. It’s also been well-publicised that a bunch of selfish cunts have been buying out all the pasta from Coles and Woolies which they probably don’t know how to cook with their small brains anyway… So why not make some delicious pasta of your own? Ya boy Jamie Oliver has a simple recipe right here to get you out of the newsroom and into the kitchen in no time – bonus points for printing it off and not using your computer too!
2. Do some exercise.
After eating all that delicious pasta, you’re gonna need to burn a few calories (even though pasta is the healthiest and most nutritious food ever invented). There’s a buttload of home exercise routines popping up online right now and a simple Google search will get you sorted. If you’re too lazy for that, check out Arnold Schwarzenegger’s routine below, which he says “…will cover all of your muscle groups.”
(B)eginner
(A)dvanced
- Push-ups
(B)25 reps
(A)50 reps - Dips between chairs
(B)20 reps
(A)50 reps - Row between chairs
(B)30 reps
(A)50 reps - Sit-ups
(B)30 reps
(A)100 reps - Bent-leg raises
(B)25 reps
(A)50 reps - Bent-over twists
(B)25 reps
(A)50 reps - Knee bends (squats)
(B)25 reps
(A)50-70 reps - Calf raises
(B)25 reps
(A)50 reps - Chin-ups
(B)10 reps
(A)30 reps
3. Write something… anything… on paper!
Been a while since you’ve put a literal pen/pencil to paper? Chances are you haven’t picked up a pen since school as these days all the typing we do happens on phones/computers etc. Well, apparently writing helps with your brain in a whole range of ways including hand-eye coordination, comprehension and calming of nerves. Now might be the perfect time to start on that script/skit you always wanted to do, or even get a diary going so that people of the future can understand what earth was like before the corona apocalypse.
4. Learn an instrument.
As the old saying goes: if you live in a sharehouse in Australia, chances are you are never more than five metres away from a guitar. You’re possibly even playing one right now and haven’t noticed. Why not come out of isolation ready to melt the faces of everyone you know? It could also be cool to keep it on the down-low and then drop ‘Stairway To Heaven’ on an unsuspecting group of pals…
5. Do some art.
Art is easy. Get some paint, throw it on a piece of paper, call it ‘art’ and become rich and famous right? Well, probs not. But it is an enjoyable way to soothe your mind without going anywhere near a screen. Right now Aussie meme-lord Struthless is hosting a bunch of isolation art challenges on his Insta that you can use for inspo if you don’t know where to start. Paints over pixels 100%.
6. Clean your shit up.
Cleaning has many benefits in a time like this. Firstly, everyone you live with won’t hate you. Secondly, you won’t be living in your own filth. Thirdly, it’s quite therapeutic, and fourthly, it’s probably a good way to make sure the coronavirus isn’t all over your shit.
7. Bake some shit.
Baking is one of the most time-consuming activities we can think of, and let’s face it, you ain’t got nothing but time. Once again ya boy Jamie Oliver knows how to bake a bunch of shit – from sweet to savoury, breaky to dinner, etc etc – and it usually just involves mixing a bunch of ingredients together and chucking it in the oven. Easy as.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8suCtFzaEo
8. Learn a language.
There’s never been a better time to download an audiobook and upskill your language game. Well, actually, when we were able to travel was probably a better time TBH… but now that you have no other plans you can go about mastering the native dialect of wherever you’re gonna holiday after all this.
9. Read a book.
I know I sound like your mum right now, but seriously, read a book you little cunt. Reading is incredibly good for the mind and mental health, meaning that you won’t come out of isolation like a zombie who knows every word to Stranger Things (though that would be pretty cool). Think of it as Netflix, only the video is in your mind and much more rewarding. Here are a bunch of books that the Sydney Morning Herald frothed on last year, give ‘em a crack.
10. Start planning your end-of-lockdown party.
When this whole thing is over, the world will be a different place, there’s no doubt about it. Who we are as a human race has been altered and our futures will be affected by the events of 2020. Heavy shit right? One thing that will be needed to take the edge off is a whole heap of partying. Start penning some ideas for how you’re gonna reconnect with your crew – maybe you’ll cook them some pasta or book a gig and show off your new musical talents or throw a shindig with a rad theme…
