Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past week – a rock not named Geodude – you’ve probably noticed that Pokemon Go is just a tiny bit popular with just about everyone you know.
In the week since it first launched, the game has added a whopping $9 billion to Nintendo’s market value, and it’s definitely showing on the streets of Sydney. If you’ve seen people wandering through parks at nighttime with an immense look of concentration on their faces and a firm grip on their phones, chances are they were searching for rare Pokemon or purchasing hard drugs, or maybe a combination of both.
Using your phone’s GPS capabilities, Pokemon GO requires you to actually use physical movement to find and locate Pokemon in your surroundings by walking around, and this game sure has come a long way from the button-bashing of the Game Boy days. However, this gaming revolution means that a lot of players have been finding themselves in some sticky situations – including encounters with bikies, dead bodies and dick pics.
Here are some of the insanely weird news headlines that have been flodding in from around the world, all thanks to Pokemon Go:
These Pokemon fanatics probably got more than they bargained for when they ended up at the gate of a Hells Angels club, where they were told by a nice man to “go talk to the police.” Go out searching for a Pikachu, end up at the home of the world’s most infamous bikie gang. Seems like a natural progression.
[Via The Guardian]
This brave soldier spends his days battling ISIS – but if the global terrorism group wasn’t enough, he’s also got a feisty Squirtle in his hand. His Pokemon Go screenshot went viral from the Iraqi battlefield frontlines, where you can see his Pokeball resting gently alongside an IRL machine gun.
[Via Daily Mail]
More people want to catch Bulbasaur than participate in potential sexy times with a real human.
[Via Gizmodo]
And some people legitimately want to fornicate with a Pikachu, because they are legitimately searching for it on adult streaming websites. A spokesperson for xHamster says that “In the last five days we have seen a giant shift in porn searches. Our top searches, which usually consist of ‘MILF,’ ‘Teen,’ and ‘Interracial’ have been replaced with ‘Pokemon,’ ‘Pikachu,’ ‘Hentai,’ and ‘Anime.'”
[Via Complex]
And of course, Pokemon dick pics are apparently a thing because humans are pieces of shit who will twist and exploit anything and everything on Planet Earth.
[Via Pedestrian.TV]
As with any online App, there’s been no shortage of tin foil hats – Pokemon Go is tracking your location, camera and contacts, which were probably floating around on the Internet anyway via one App or another. #StayWoke #WakeUpSheeple
[Via Gawker]
And in perhaps the most unfortunate coincidence of all time, a poison gas Pokemon named Koffing was found in a Holocaust museum. Yes, somebody needs to fix this ASAP.
[Via Pedestrian.TV]
Police were called to Sydney suburb Rhodes after too many Pokemon players flooded Peg Paterson Park, with residents fighting back by water-bombing the crowds and taking the law into their own hands:
[Via Sydney Morning Herald]
But getting water-bombed is nowhere near as heavy as finding an actual dead body in a river next to a trailer park. Dear lord, pray for this girl:
[Via BBC]
And with so many news stories now surrounding the Pokemon Go phenomenon, we’re not entirely sure which are factual and which are satire. Although we’re pretty sure this last one is satire. Maybe.
[Via The Hard Times]
