Words by Lillian FlexMami Ahen // Head image by Cole Bennetts

If one thing’s for sure, Mike Baird has surely outdone himself with his recent antics. No living, breathing, avocado-on-toast eating millennial is stranger to taking a cheeky piccie and stockpiling it for the right moment – and it seems the once popular NSW premier has taken a page out of our mortgage-free books.

Almost half a year ago, Bairdy boy was spotted taking a picture with street artist Scott Marsh’s viral Casino Mike mural, smug grin in tow. The premier is shown luxuriating in the vices that are no longer available to the fine people of Sydney after 1:30am… unless you strut down to the dreaded Casino. *shudder*

His office refused to comment of the photo shoot and to our disdain, no image was uploaded and no references were made. The mural was soon after removed and Marsh the visionary went forth to create t-shirts using the mural artwork. I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking that this would be the last we’d hear of this, but alas, fast forward to Sunday October 30 – known to some as Halloween Even and best known to the aforementioned polarising tyrant (obviously Baird) as Graffiti Removal Day, hehe.

Strapped with vibrant sponges and paintbrushes, thousands of well-intentioned volunteers took to the Sydney’s streets to clean up graffiti on homes and public buildings. Strapped with an enabling social team and a penchant for cheekiness that would rival the most ill behaved toddler, Baird took to Facebook to hit us with a roast:

The vital factors to ensure your playful insult is delivered with flavour and top-shelf seasoning include truth, relevancy, timing and witticism. I’m not above applauding a sensational roast, but unfortunately for Baird his missed the mark and this has subsequently reflected poorly on his intelligence and tact. When you’re renowned for single-handedly stripping away the vibrancy of a city in less than two years, you might want to re-think cracking jokes about physically removing remaining remnants of culture – no matter how timely or topical.

The post has been flogged with insults varying from artistically crafted to mind-numbingly weak, however it’s highlighted our somewhat toxic fixation with hating Mike Baird. Obviously not without intent or reason, but part of me is concerned that allocating time to outwardly hate him is extremely detrimental to my developing emotional intelligence.

Though on the flipside, it’s a fantastic way to raise awareness and encourage proactive action in regards to Sydney’s lockout laws AKA the personification of trash. In light of the premiere’s irritable Facebook post, here’s a few ways to proactively channel our exasperation, Keep Sydney Open and stay positive.

SEND OL’ BOY THIS MF LETTER

You know what’s hard? Articulating emotionally fuelled thoughts into a clear, concise, plausible and reasonable three paragraph email. Lucky for us, the sensational wordsmiths at Keep Sydney Open have done the hard yards for you.

Seriously, they’ve written the letter, provided a link to where you can send it and a bit of background to keep you informed on the current happenings.
This is basically the cliff note on how to breathe life back into a wilted city, aptly titled (by me) ‘How To Keep Sydney Open In Less Than 300 Words’.

GET BUCKWILD IN THE CLUB THIS WEEKEND

I mean, not implicitly (please behave) but what better weekend than this one to get out of the house and into clubs, pubs and restaurants. Without our foot traffic, enthusiasm and coins, the exuberance of our beloved city will slowly dissipate and those weekly threats of moving to Berghain and Melbourne will become a reality.

This weekend, Sydney’s bets party crews including Sidechains, Halfway Crooks and Bad Deep will all be throwing parties into the early hours of the morning. They (Baird) don’t want you to glow up after the sun sets and they also don’t want you to love, nurture and cultivate a thriving city.

SMACK ‘ATTENDING’ ON ‘MIKE BAIRD REMOVAL DAY’

What better way to channel your disdain towards Baird than in a group of likeminded people? In response to Mike’s subpar roast, a few good folks have organised an official Mike Baird Removal Day for 2019. Details are scarce and I’m well aware that 2019 is a fair few outfit changes away, however they’ve promised a “huge FREE party that will rage all night and all weekend” so the content honestly sells itself.

With collectively upwards of 15K punters either interested, invited or going – it’s looking to be a doozy. With roughly 869 days to the big event, there’s no telling how life-changing this may turn out to be.

Details here.\