The Melbourne Cup: The one day of the year where you can don your cheapest suit, whack on your most ignorant fascinator and celebrate your inner bogan by watching horses getting whipped down a grass aisle.

The Melbourne Cup is consists equally of being annoyingly drunk and having a life-destroying gambling addiciton, with a sprinkle of horse racing on top for good measure. Of course, Australians don’t take their alcohol lightly and will celebrate any excuse to get on the goon sack on a Tuesday afternoon, so we made a short compilation of Australians being pissed idiots on the holy day of racing:

Michael Dodge/Getty

Before we get into this year’s festivities, let’s go back in time to 2015 for what might be the GOAT video of Melbourne cup idiocy and the ultimate FTP moment. Sarah Finn was so super-turnt that she pushed a cop into a bush in full view of television cameras and other policemen, and in turn was swiftly arrested and fined $800. Despite the plush landing of Flemington’s trimmed bushes, Superintendent Cooper’s reading glasses were crushed in the fall. What makes this all even better? Ms. Finn also posted a photo of herself on a police motorcylce with four, yes four, plentiful packets of chips. Ms. Finn for PM:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bivpyVwpxnQ

Taking it straight to yesterday’s occurrences, where a drunk woman tried to return a lost wallet to a news reporter live on camera. And yes, she really does try extremely hard to return the wallet and point out that the person has lost three bucks – but the good Samaritan is eventually dragged away by her friends wearing a fedora. Shouts to the wallet inspector:

Anyone lose their wallet? #9News pic.twitter.com/5Xc1KaaYA0

— Nine News Brisbane (@9NewsBrisbane) November 1, 2016

And then there was this guy who actually managed to get shirtless and run on the damn track alongside some horses in Perth and at the bottom of television screens. This guy really should have got more airtime for his efforts, we can only imagine the amount of Woodstocks he sculled before his mates convinced him that this was a ‘fkn sick’ idea:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=av4tjosOcGU

And then there was this lady who attempted a swift microphone robbery, but the news reporter’s vice grip meant that the segment was saved. Kinda.

And finally, footy player Beau Ryan proving that ‘boys will be boys’ and engaging in some good-old fashioned testosterone and alcohol fueled wrestling while watching the race at home. Bogans, boys, beers and banter, we’re just upset that there wasn’t a bubbler thrown somewhere in here: