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I don’t see anyone adhering to this…

I know that when we toasted and cheersed our way into 2021, the majority of us implicitly thought that the weirdest moments of the COVID era were mostly behind us, or that the beginning of the year would immediately entail a return to a type of normalcy.

WRONG. Shits just as cooked in 2021, from rednecks invading the US capitol to Kanye allegedly cheating on Kim with some random AF stylist. It’s all a bit overwhelming if we’re honest, but the new guidelines for COVID-Safe Sex might by far be the strangest news of 2021 yet.

As you probably know, there’s a 1.5m guideline for interaction between individuals. But what you probably didn’t know is that NSW health officials are advising couples to keep to this guidelines when, well, having special alone time. Specifically, they’re advocating for ‘mutual masturbation,’ which is well, I don’t mean to be crass, but basically having at it in front of your partner, which they describe as ‘the next best thing’.

Speaking on the alternative, NSW health writes on their playsife website ‘One method of mutual masturbation is the act of pleasuring yourself in front of a partner. Whilst some people consider mutual stimulation (hand jobs, fingering, etc.) as mutual masturbation, what we’re talking about here involves no contact with the other person.’

Enticed yet? Yeah, we don’t expect you to be. But NSW have their persuasive caps on, listing a range of benefits of mutual masturbation, from the zero-risk for STIs and unwanted pregnancies to the ability to ‘take away the pressure,’ ensuring you ‘can focus on your own pleasure.’ Lastly, they’ve managed to put an educational twist on it as well, stating that ‘You’ll also learn a lot about what your partner likes simply by watching and learning. What better way to get prepared for when sex is back on the table?’

On the off chance you’re actually considering implementing this into your next sexual encounter, check out their tips on how to enjoy having at it with a partner in a safe manner below and head to the playsafe website here. Oh, and yes, they expect you to wear a mask when mutually masturbating as well. 2021 eh!

How to enjoy masturbating with a partner safely

• Make sure you’re both feeling well, and symptom-free
• Talk about your expectations upfront and set the rules that work for you
• Keep your distance – a minimum of 1.5 metres at all times
• If you’re sharing sex toys make sure that you keep them clean by following these rules
• Consider wearing masks to minimise the risk of COVID-19 even further, or even take the fun online