If there’s one thing we know for sure, it’s that Australia has been through the absolute wringer in 2020. From starting the year off with cooked bushfires to going straight into biblical floods that were offensively, well, flood-like, we started the year off more cooked than most. Oh and that fucking virus that’s been wreaking havoc across the world hasn’t been great either. But regardless, life went on, and shenanigans big & small continued to take place across the country, towns far and wide still being host to an overflow of debauchery and ridiculousness. And thus, one page that has been keeping track of it all is Sh*t Towns of Australia, the self-proclaimed “Foremost authority on shit towns” in the nation.
The page has been keeping tabs on all the cooked shit to happen in Aussie towns, collating and putting them together for their annual end-of-year ‘Sh*test Town of Australia’ award. They hand out their awards super fairly tbh, justifying their picks with numerous examples of just straight up insane shit. For example, the town of Logan in Queensland won the Shittest Town of Australia in 2019, with the main reason being due to the “entire council sacked for alleged corruption” and “grubs steal 1000 litres of water from firefighters during bushfires.” Thus, you can agree with their reasoning, and their pick for 2020 is an absolute doozy.
Throwback to 2019, a simpler time when Corona was just an overpriced beer, everything was on fire and Logan was the…
The winner of the esteemed award for 2020 is none other than Townsville (Queensland is really a front-runner in these competitions) with a list of reasons so long that it makes Logan look like a literal paradise. From an 11-year-old being accused of holding carers hostage with a screwdriver to a “Gronk jailed after throwing goon sack a cop’s face while riding a stolen bicycle drunk” (there are so many more cooked examples that we actually can’t believe they’re real), it seems Townsville is the epi-centre of all things bogan and ridiculous, which is surprising considering how beautiful-looking of a town it actually is.
Coming in second was Melbourne, who seems to have gotten quite a bad rap following ‘all that covid and lockdown stuff,’ along with a champion race horse testing positive for cocaine (whoever actually made a horse rack a line is going to a special place in hell).
Third was Adelaide, pointing to old mate who started that unnecessary lockdown along with a hit-and-run driver who threw his own shit at police. Finally, Queensland’s Logan and Ipswich rounded out the top five (not totally surprised at the Logan part).
No doubt it’s been a shitty year and thus we’ve all been acting up a bit in response. Let’s hope no goon-sack throwing gronks or shit-throwing drivers make an appearance in 2021. But knowing our cooked nation, they probably will, so stay peeled for more stories on Shit Towns of Australia as they unfold.
Pretty wild, check out the full list of ridiculousness Townsville got up to in 2020 below.